Gah, this has been a weird few weeks. I see myself really starting to be the person I wish I could be. I've actually started enjoying school, I'm much more outgoing and I don't worry about all the stupid little things I used to. The only thing(s) holding me back now are totally stupid meaningless objects. Well, I guess they aren't really all that meaningless. Frankly it's kind of sad how much I've realized I rely on them in my daily life.
First off I lost my iPod; no idea where the hell it went... how annoying is that? Who knew a little pocket size lump of music could mean so much to me? I guess music just really calms me, helps me forget about all the stupid shit in life and just look up at the clouds and smile.
Secondly, I've lost my car. Well, it's not actually lost, it's sitting in my garage strewn about in various mangeled up pieces. But obviously I can't drive it anymore so it may as well be lost. Driving around in my car is another thing that calms me down. I remember getting stressed about various things last year and just jumping in my car and driving to Shepperd; what an amazing town.
Without these two littles things it's becoming harder and harder to relax. I walked across campus today to grab some food, which was nice, but as I got closer I began to remember the big lack of money in my bank account and how much closer to 'zero' this trip was gonna make me. I got way too much food trying to make the most of my money and ended up buying pretty much everything possible that could make me sick. Then to top it all off the sun decided to beat down extra hard on me on my way back, soaking me in fowl-smelling sweat. Nothing a shower and change of cloths couldn't fix though.
I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say. I just find it funny how I'm finally headed in a good direction in my life and two very small things are holding me back. It's weird how something so insignificant can play a big role in my life. I'm finally doing good, but I can't stop worrying about life because of my lack of relaxing. You'd think spending the weekend enjoying the place to myself and just vegging out would help, but in the end it just made everything so much worse, thinking can really be bad for you.
Hopefully soon my car will be fixed, and in a paycheck or two maybe I'll be able to afford a new iPod.... or maybe I could just realize there's more to life than driving and music, and see the light for once. But then again, that just wouldn't be my style.
