thunderstorms are supposed to be fun

Is it just me, or some weeks does it just feel like the entire universe has turned against you? Like every person, every thing, every part of your life has gone on a vendetta to ruin your day? I realized some people just generally have bad days; sometimes your just unfortunate and tomarrow will be a better day. It gets harder each day to chaulk it all up to bad luck or a bad day. It seems like I've been going on my next worst day ever for a few weeks now. Each day just finds some new way to tie my shoes together while I'm not paying attention.

I remember what it was like in highschool, to always be bored and lonely and to just generally be in a bad mood. I've come to senses with my life since then though and it's just not the same kind of mental distress. The things that bug me aren't the normal life lessons that hit you. It's just all these little stupid things that just pile up on me, things that shouldn't matter, making me want to just scream and mangle something. Ever just feel like destroying something beautiful? Just because it makes you feel better?

I feel like I'm being thrown all these obstacles as some sort of test. Something, or someone's just trying to get me to break down. It seems as though I made some mistake somewhere and now I'm paying for it. If I had cleaned my room and ran errands instead of playing videos games all day Monday would my car still have gone to shit for seemingly no reason at all? Would my dad still have managed to drive it through our garage wall? I mean nothing was wrong with it just the day before and BAM about of the blue it won't even move. How does that happen? Things don't just break, everything happens for a reason. Or at least it should...

A lot of people have been talking lately about regrets, going back and fixing your mistakes. There's always been a few moments in my life I've been eager to go back and change. I'd certainly go back to eighth grade and say yes to that cute girl that asked me to dance instead of saying 'No' and running. There's no question in my mind either about the night I ended up in the hospital. That's not anything someone would ever choose to go through. But lately my mind drifts from these few events in my life that should mean something to completely meaningless fractions of my life. If someone asked you right now if you could go back in time, what is the first thing you would change, would you think to go back and get a haircut instead of sleeping in an extra hour? This isn't something a normal person should think about. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

Each day it seems like my mind is working less and less. For the longest time it seems like it's on it's own mission and I'm left our here in the cold. Hell, I'm supposed to be ignoring my thoughts, not the other way around.